Grief and Healing 

Always look for the signs….

As many of you know, I had to say goodbye to my beautiful girl Kota on Saturday. She was an old girl, but she didn’t act like it, so her earth time coming to an end was unexpected. I always knew this would be one of the most significant losses in my life, as she was indeed one of my soulmates. 

I intend to share more about this loss later on when the timing feels right, but today, I want to share an experience I had last week that has brought me peace during this heartbreaking time. 

Not everyone believes in life after death, and we all have our way of finding peace when someone we love has died. That is okay, and no one way is right or wrong. As long as whatever you believe does not harm someone else and you don’t force your beliefs on anyone, all is well. 

I strongly believe in our souls’ infinite existence. When our physical experience on earth ends, we carry on in some other energetic form, where we can still communicate with our loved ones on earth in a variety of ways. 

In the last ten years, I have had to say goodbye to many people I love, and I have found ways to stay connected with them, which has brought me an incredible amount of comfort and healing. 

About a week ago, I was writing in my journal just before bed, and I wrote down the words, “Sweetie, you are going to do much bigger things than policing.” I have shared this statement before because it is one of the most important things my Aunt said to me just days before her death. I reflect on these words often, and that night, I reflected on them again as I am becoming closer and closer to accomplishing my goal of working as a therapist with those experiencing grief and trauma. 

In my journal, I wrote how I have been feeling and that I have been working very hard at strengthening my spiritual practice and enhancing my meditation skills. It has been helping my anxiety significantly, and even though I have been increasingly busy with school, business, and motherhood, I have felt an overwhelming sense of calmness. 

I told my Aunt I loved her and missed her and always welcomed signs, so please send them anytime. 

I closed by saying, “I am always looking.”

The very next day, I was sitting in my chair feeding Sparrow, and Austyn (my stepdaughter) casually walked over, knelt down, and proceeded to take my shoes off. Her other hand was behind her back. Immediately after taking off my shoes, she presented her other hand from behind her back and placed a pair of black moccasins on my feet. 

“Where did you find those,” I asked her, and she said, “They were under the stairs,” I asked her why she was under the stairs and said she was looking for something. 

I was a bit taken back when she put those slippers on my feet. I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt at first because I had never put them on before. Those slippers were my Aunts, and when she died, I took them and the socks she had on her feet. 

For my birthday one year, she bought me the same pair, and I wore them pretty much until all of my toes were sticking out of the holes. I thought it would be nice to have her pair as I figured I could wear them when mine fell apart. It turns out they are a little bit too small. 

I have moved these slippers with the socks shoved in them to a different house eight times since my Aunt died and never once put them on my feet. 

I remembered almost immediately what I wrote in my journal the night before and said, “Scott, I’ve got to show you something; this is going to blow your mind.” 

I went and grabbed my journal and showed him what I wrote. We decided it would be nice to share what I wrote with Austyn as well. I think she was pretty blown away by it and her smile made it obvious she was proud that she had played a pretty significant role in helping my Aunt show me a sign that she is and always will be listening. 

This isn’t the only visit from my angels I had in the last seven days, and having had these visits just days before having to say goodbye to Kota has brought me so much peace in knowing that even though my heart is breaking and I am not sure how long it will take before this pain isn’t so sharp; I know that just like my Aunt and everyone else I love, Kota will be right there with me whenever I need her. 

I know she will love that and in time; so will I. 

If you have special angels who you love deeply, always look for those signs, and never be afraid to ask them. You may not notice them all the time, but it is the best feeling in the world when you do.