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My Dear Son – it’s your first birthday and this is what I want you to know…..

Today is your first birthday. Some would think that it’s far too soon to tell you these things but I have learned on countless occasions, that we just never know how much time we have left and I want to make sure that no matter what; you hear this from me. 

My sweet boy, life is so good, but sometimes it is also so incredibly hard. I don’t believe we are meant to be happy all of the time. If we were happy all of the time, how would we learn to be grateful? How are we supposed to know great joy when we haven’t experienced deep sorrow? How do we have anything to compare happiness and the feeling of content with if we haven’t ever experienced horrendous pain and extreme discomfort?

Life is mostly good, but when it’s not, dig deep. Oh my sweet boy just dig deep as hard as you can because if you do, you will find meaning. You will find a reason to keep going and you will find that one glimpse of hope you need to get up out of bed, even just for one more day. Each day this will get easier. 

I promise you, life is beautiful. It is all in how you choose to perceive and respond to your experiences. 

My son, you are likely going to perceive some of your greatest lessons in your life to be punishments. At some point in your life you will ask yourself, “what have I done to deserve this?” In that moment I want you to ask yourself this, “what am I supposed to learn from this?”

You won’t always have the answer right away, and maybe you never will, and that is okay. 

You are not being punished my beautiful boy. Every experience you have in your life is going to take you to the next one. You are going to realize someday that sometimes bad things have to happen in order for you to receive some of the most beautiful blessings. 

You are an example of this my boy. When Nick died I would have given anything, including my own life, to see him again. 

I see this differently now. I understand that had Nick not died, I never would have met your amazing Father and your gorgeous sisters, and we never would have had you. 

You don’t always get to know why. Sometimes as humans we spend so much time trying to figure out why something has happened, or didn’t happen, or will happen. Sometimes and most often, we just don’t get to know why and you just need to trust the process.

It’s not always going to feel good, or right, or just; but it is what it is and you don’t always get to know why. 

You aren’t the “only” one. You are going to have experiences in your life where you are going to feel like you are the only one it has happened to. You will feel as if you are the only one who feels hurt or the only one who has had bad things happen. You are going to feel like you have done something wrong or that no one has it as hard as you. 

Trust me my sweet boy, you are not the only one. 

In times of darkness and even times of greatness, remember, there are so many others who have been through something similar and who have achieved greatness, just like you.

Seek those people out, build a relationship and learn from them. 

You are not the centre of the Universe. I know this is going to be a tough one for you to understand for a while. That’s normal. But someday, when you are older, I need you to know that YOU my son, are not the centre of the Universe. 

The world owes you nothing and neither does anyone else. You must work hard for what you receive, you must treat others how you want to be treated, and you must never act like you are superior to anyone. I will spend your whole life teaching you this and you may hate it at times but this is so incredibly important.

You will make mistakes and you may be ashamed at times for decisions you have made but forgive yourself quickly and strive to be a better version of yourself every single day. 

Don’t worry about other’s negative opinions of you. There will be people who don’t agree with you or downright don’t like you. If you know in your heart of hearts that YOU are YOU and that you are a good human, their opinion means nothing.  

If you know deep down that you don’t hurt or sabotage people intentionally and you try your best every day to be kind, their opinions don’t matter.

You won’t always understand why someone feels negatively about you and you can either inquire or you can ask yourself, “does it matter?”.

Your Daddy will tell you to be you no matter what. If other’s don’t like it, it’s okay, because they are not a part of your reality. 

Always love yourself, even on the bad days. You must take care of yourself both physically and mentally. If you are not healthy both in body and mind, it is very difficult to get through the hardships in life.

Love yourself and know that you are deserving, you are powerful, and you are loved beyond measure.

On the bad days remind yourself that it’s okay to not be okay, but don’t get stuck there and don’t treat yourself in a way that you would never imagine treating someone else.

Be gentle on yourself my boy and know that there is always someone there to help you on the days you are feeling off. You are so loved, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

Love others. Always try to choose love instead of judgement.

Love instead of hate.

Love instead of jealousy and love instead of betrayal.

There are going to be people in your life that you don’t agree with or who don’t agree with you. There are going to be people who hurt you.

There will be people you either know personally, who you have come across, or perhaps heard about, who do things or have done things that you find despicable or heinous.

Always try to choose love and to look at someone’s circumstances with and empathetic lens.

You don’t always know someone else’s story and you don’t need to in order to have compassion.

It is not easy to choose love and there will be days when you are surprised that you feel love for another human who has done something terrible.

Chances are, you will, because you are my son.

When this happens, know this; it is okay to choose love. You don’t have to agree with what someone has done but you can embrace that they are human and they were once a little boy or girl, just like you.

Be blessed that you have a solid foundation of love to grow up in. Not everyone gets that and bad things happen.

Choose love.

You never know when someone needs it. 

Things change and usually when you least expect it. Oh my boy how I have learned this far too many times. You are going to be right in the middle of loving life and BOOM your world is going to explode. 

I know because there is no one on this earth who hasn’t experienced this. You are not invincible to the inevitable chaos of life.

You are going to be heartbroken and people you love are going to die from old age and they may also die far too young.

You will be heartbroken and you aren’t always going to get what you want. You may lose things that you cherish and you may wish for things that never happen. 

This is all a part of life and you can get through it all as long as you never give up on yourself and your ability to be resilient. 

“The Universe is happening for you, not too you” -unknown-

Often change is good and I will walk with you through as many good and bad changes of yours that this Universe will grant me before I die. When one door closes another opens and if you can see it this way you will thrive in a way that is so powerful. 

Embrace change my dear because if things didn’t change drastically for me and your Father, you wouldn’t be here.

As I said before, YOU my son are a perfect example of a silver lining. 

Be all the things. I will never ask you what you want to be when you grow up. This question can be so confusing and often people believe that they are only meant to be one thing.

I want you to be all the things that fuel your soul.

If you choose one thing and it no longer feels right, I want you to change it.

As long as you are giving things a fair chance and you aren’t just “giving up”.

You will know when something is no longer aligning with who you are and when you are questioning this, I will be there, one way or another to help you process this experience. it can be very difficult and you will need support.

You don’t have to choose one thing; you just need to choose what excites you to get up in the morning.

As soon as you dread your alarm clock, this may be a very clear sign.

However, with all of that said, If there is only one thing that you do and you love it and it feels right, that is okay too. Only you get to decide what path you want to take and only you get to decide what is best for you.

I will help from a loving and open minded stance and sometimes we may not agree but you still must do what you need to do for you. I mean that. 

Forgive. Not for them but for you. I mentioned before that things will happen in your life that hurt. You will feel betrayed and you will feel devastated but you MUST forgive. I don’t mean forgive to make them feel better, I mean forgive to help you heal and carry on. 

Forgiveness is not always meant for the other person and if you don’t forgive you will carry feelings that can be debilitating. Forgiveness is one of many steps to healing and if you can master this one, even when it’s extremely difficult, you will be far better than those who carry resentment and grudges.

I have had to learn to do this many times and I am well aware it is easier said than done. You can do it though, because your heart is so beautiful. 

Trust your intuition. My son you are so young but I can already tell you can sense the energy around you. Please if you only listen to one thing that I suggest, please let it be this. Always trust your intuition. Trust it in situations, with people, and with decisions. This gift will protect you and prevent you from so much heartache.

You won’t always get it right but one day you will learn to trust the feelings and when that happens I hope you are as blown away with how often your intuition is correct.

When you get a bad vibe from something or someone, trust it.

Last but not least, we will always love you. My baby boy we love you.

We will always love you.

Even on days when we are mad, frustrated, tired, and confused, we will always love you.

Some days you might think we don’t because we are upset or because we don’t give you every single thing you want. Trust me my boy, this is for your own good.

Everything we do for you, whether you perceive it as fair or not, we are doing it because we are trying our best to raise a loving, kind, resilient, and dependent man. 

I will tell you this over and over in your life, your Father and I are not perfect and we have both done things that we are not proud of. We have felt ashamed of things in the past and not everyone knows our deepest darkest secrets, but with that said, we would not change a thing because we are exactly who we are now individually and as a team because of it all. 

Happy First birthday my sweet little boy. You are so loved. 

Love Mamma

 

Grief Recovery Training

 

It’s been one week since I walked into a space, genuinely having no idea what I was about to experience. 

 

I was walking into day one of Grief Recovery Training, and the first thing I noticed was there were full-sized boxes of tissues designated to each chair. As well as that, these chairs were in a semi-circle. 

 

This meant no one could hide in the back behind their desks or tables.


Did I mention there were no tables?


After walking into this room, I knew immediately that the next four days were going to be long, and they were going to be emotional.


I was nervous.


Will I be the only one who ends up crying?


What if I am the only one who has suffered such a significant loss?


Have I healed as much as I thought, what if I end up being a basket case for the next four days?


Am I going to get my money back if I can’t get through it?


Will they think I am crazy for thinking I could help anyone grieving when I can barely help myself?


Honestly, all of these questions went through my head seconds after I walked in the room. Admittedly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. 

 

I learned very quickly that I was not the only one feeling this way.


It didn’t take long before the introductions began, and all I can say is WOW.


There were twenty people in the room, and every single one of them had a story.


Don’t we all?


I was instantly relieved that I was not the “only one.”


I know that sounds crazy that I was excited to know that everyone in the room shared devastation, confusion, and grief. Nonetheless, it’s relieving to be in a space with people who get it. 


Who not only get the heartache but also understand why I have a strong desire to help.


We all had different stories, but we all shared indescribable pain. 

 

In this case, the pain was not all a result of death. So many people think that if no one has died, then they aren’t likely experiencing grief.


Contrary to what many people believe, grief comes in many forms. 

 

Therefore, we learned about many of the life circumstances that cause pain. To sum up, it’s pretty safe to say everyone has experienced one form of grief or another at some point in their life.


So why such a stigma?


As we went around the room, we laughed, we cried, and we dug deep. We did this together as a group despite never having met. 

 

All of us became a team in minutes, and the room felt lighter than just moments before.


What I learned was; 


We all feel.


All of us experience loss.


No one is exempt from experience pain.


 -And-


Everyone will grieve at some point in their life.


We don’t necessarily grieve the same way, and our pain doesn’t always come in the same form. 


Equally, neither do our losses. No one should feel as though their story isn’t hard enough or powerful enough. 

 

Everyone should be allowed to feel what they feel without worrying about the comparison. 

 

Comparison and “one-upping” another person’s grief heals no one and typically creates more damage than good. Not only that, but we all have a right not to be okay, and we should never have to justify it to anyone.


One thing I know for sure is we often mistake our pain for weakness. 

 

We limit our healing because of the misinformation we hear in society about “being strong.”


Our healing suffers because of the misinformation about what grief should look like.  


I want to remind everyone that it’s perfectly okay not to be okay.


This statement can be seen everywhere in the mental health world, the grief support community, songs, and books, but we often ignore it anyway. 


Consequently, we go on trying to hold ourselves together because we don’t want to burden anyone or make others feel uncomfortable. 


Sometimes we don’t want to feel the discomfort of explaining why we are sad and why we aren’t “over it.”


We are tired, and sometimes we don’t have the tools we need to carry on.


They say time heals, yet we don’t know what to do while waiting for the proverbial “time” to heal us. It just doesn’t work. Besides, it’s not helpful for most people who are hurting and or feeling stuck.


If you are lucky enough to have a knowledgeable therapist who understands the realities of grief and grief support, then you are one step in the right direction towards healing. 

 

On the other hand, if you aren’t so lucky, you are left talking in circles for far too long. 

 

Thus you give up once you have identified the infamous five stages, and society decides you should move on.

 

In this training, I learned once again that; people want their grief to be validated, want to be heard, and want to heal uniquely without judgment.


I was truly blessed to be where I was for those four intensive days. 

 

Without a doubt I felt that the universe placed us all in that room together in the exact moment we needed one another. 


I will always remember the people like how they were on the first day and the way they left on the last day.


All of us received a gift that weekend. That gift came in the form of compassion, knowledge, and the ability to move forward with tools to help people who are desperately looking for a way to feel better.


It’s okay not to be okay, but when you are ready to be okay again, the grief recovery method is a truly restorative experience. 

 

One that you will walk away from feeling EMPOWERED and READY to carry your story with you in a way that brings peace and healing, rather than pain and sorrow.


I am so honored to have spent those four days with all those I met in training. Your stories are inspiring beyond belief, and your compassion for humankind is commendable.


If anyone is interested in learning more about the Grief Recovery Method, please contact me at [email protected] 


I offer The Grief Recovery Method both in person and virtually and you can find all of my programs by clicking this link:

 

https://www.megrobertslifecoaching.ca/grief-support/.


To register for the upcoming Grief Recovery Method Groups, you can find the links at the bottom of this page. 


The grief recovery method is all over the world, helping so many grievers deal with the pain, isolation, and loneliness that they feel as a result of any loss. 

 

It is also the only evidence-based program in the world, and if you are ready to work through your pain, it is effective. 

 

For more information on The Grief Recovery Method, you can click this link: 


https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com.


“It’s never too soon heal your heart” – thegriefrecoverymethod


Photostory: Back in 2016, when I was still very early on in my grief after the death of my fiancé, my good friend Sarah texted me this song after having met Madeline Merlo. Sarah told me the song made her think of me, and when I listened to it on repeat, I felt so lucky. 

 

I felt fortunate because I knew that Sarah genuinely had my back and that she would ALWAYS be there with no judgment. The song meant the world to me and when I got to hear Madeline Merlo perform it live this year, I, of course, had to buy the shirt 😉 Here is the link.

Meg

 

DON'T JUST LIVE; EXIST

Meg is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and Certified Life Coach Practitioner. 

She dedicates her time to helping others who have suffered hardships, tragedy, or pain, by giving them the foundation to live life to the fullest. 

Her purpose is to encourage others to take control of their lives and not let circumstances destroy it. 

Find your passion for life again and receive the support you need from someone who may not know what you are feeling but knows how hard change can be, especially in the face of adversity.

If you are wondering if you are ‘ready’ to hire a life coach, you can check out the link below to download a free PDF that explains how to know coaching is for you. 

If you would like to know more information on coaching or one of the Grief Support programs, you can book a FREE consultation to determine your next steps.

REGISTER NOW - below for upcoming Grief Recovery Method Group Sessions

Call: 587-432-5836

Email: [email protected]